I Am Metal Dad

As a father of 2, I often think back to the experiences I had as kid, the ones that really shaped who I've become and how I approach life. Often what jumps out at me are the times that my sister and I used to visit my dad's chemistry lab at U.C. Berkeley. I remember playing with plastic molecular models and being fascinated by the air and gas valves with color coded caps. I remember the fruit fly (Drosophila melanogaster) room, the centrifuge room and trips up and down the elevator. Most of all, though, I remember interacting with my dad and his students and feeling comfortable in an intellectually challenging place surrounded by a bunch of fun personalities.

Those experiences were a huge factor in the path my life has taken, through my Ph.D. in Pharmaceutical Chemistry into my career working in Silicon Valley as a software engineer. Being in a creative, exciting and challenging environment and sharing it with bright, motivated colleagues really, for me, is the key to long-term satisfaction. Despite all of that, there's an even more fundamental element to who I am, namely, music. Though I've studied classical, jazz and blues, it wasn't until I discovered heavy metal and hard rock that I really felt at home. There's something about the combination of power and precision that is a perfect match for my typical energy level. Big, bombastic classical works and intricate baroque compositions come close but there's an innate grit and energy to heavy rock that sets it apart for me.

Much like my dad, and really, like any dad that's really engaged with his kids, it's only natural that I share the things I love with my kids. At 10 years, my daughter, and 7 years, my son, are both fully capable of enjoying music and having their own opinions. I have no interest in scripting out their lives, telling them what they should or should not like or do. But I know from my own experience, and from watching dads around me with older kids, there's really no worry, kids will find their own path and stand apart from their parents' interests. At the same time, it's incredibly important to expose kids to all sorts of creative and intellectual stimulation, so they can explore it all and figure out what's right for them. Since metal and other heavy forms of music are key parts of who I am, it makes sense for me to share that with my kids.

My wife and I tend to be open-minded and relaxed about what we let our kids experience. We both think the key is to experience the more mentally and emotionally challenging things (e.g. horror movies, more mature comedies, troubling dramas, etc.) as a family, being very careful about the timing so as to only stretch the kids a little bit at a time, never overwhelming them. We often have some of the most interesting and enlightening conversations after watching movies together, when the topic falls a bit beyond what they've encountered in their lives at that point. As a parent, you never really know whether the experiences you have with your kids translate in any way to other families. We are all so unique, and yet so similar, you it's hard to know when things are uniformly applicable to all and when they are completely restricted to our own personal experience.

Considering all of that as background, I am very careful about how my musical background impacts the kids. Music has been the single, fundamental driving force in my life and I want desperately to share that with the kids. I also want to avoid overwhelming them with my own interests, because it's up to them to find out what's important to them. That eventually filters down to this: I share the music that I love with my kids but leave it up to them to decide what grabs them the most. I also know full well that at any point, one or both of them could decide they have no interest in music or that they prefer a completely different style of music. I have a very good friend and periodic coworker whose kids are just approaching college age. He's also a musician and a big music fan, very broadminded and eclectic but with key interests in Keith Richards, Neil Young and similar singer-songwriters with a little edge. He was very supportive of his boys' interests in music and shared music with them all the time. Somewhere along the way, both boys discovered modern metal and embraced it. They love the really heavy stuff, filled with growling and pummeling energy. That's not at all what my friend loves, but still is reflective of a love for music.

Thus, I must embrace my role as "Metal Dad". It's what I love and what I know. Loud rock and metal are what I play during my radio show at KGLT and what I have to review each week as the Director of Loud Rock. When the kids help me review new releases, prep my show or keep me company during my show, what they hear is all loud rock and metal. I encourage them to be open-minded, to embrace classical and country, pop and polka, to experience it with equal curiosity. But, what I can best teach them about is metal, because it's what I know. I can tell them about the performers, the sub genres and the evolution of the style. Unfortunately, the one thing I can't do very well here in Bozeman is give them the same local music scene that I grew up with. I was able to spend my teens going to local clubs in the Bay Area and to experience first hand the discovery and success of Joe Satriani, Y&T, Night Ranger, Metallica, Testament, Exodus and many more. I was able to see bands like AC/DC, Aerosmith, UFO, the Scorpions and Rainbow regularly in the larger venues around the Bay Area. I often went to multiple shows in a week, and my own musical personality grew out of all those experiences. Here in Bozeman, however, it's lucky if we get a metal show every few months and major metal acts do not come here at all.

So, what does "Metal Dad" have to do to keep sharing the metal world with his kids? The same thing folks in Montana do if their kids are on soccer teams, or ski teams or basketball teams: travel. The distances are long in this part of the country, but you accept the knowledge that travel is part of the equation. Although it takes time, two hours of driving around here is a heck of a lot more satisfying than driving two hours in a major metropolis. You can go a long time without seeing another car on the road and the scenery in many parts of the state is absolutely breathtaking. This year it really hit home, it makes no sense to sit here in Bozeman waiting for the metal to come to us. We must seek out the metal. And that's what we will do.

Coming up soon, we'll run over to Billings to catch Halestorm, then shortly after that we head north through Glacier National Park to reach Calgary in time to see Iron Maiden on their big 2012 tour. About a month later, our big summer vacation will take us to Sweden and Finland, sandwiched around an Amaranthe show in Göteborg. And then in early fall, we head over to Salt Lake City to see Nightwish. At the moment, both kids love female-fronted metal bands, including those with a symphonic bent. My son also has a soft spot for hair metal, with Def Leppard as his "go to #1" but he also loves My Chemical Romance.

Metal Dad knows full well that at some point, my daughter may decide that mainstream country is the way to go, and my son might become a shreddin' bluegrass mandolin player. That's OK by me. It's not about the "right music" vs. the "wrong music", it's about the joy of discovery and the comfort of familiarity. If there's anything I can do for the kids, it's to help them embrace the world, the good and the challenging, and embark on the journey that's right for them. In fact, those journeys are already underway and I have the privilege, for now, of tagging along for the ride. It's an awesome experience.